Loving a girl/boy enough?

Loving a girl/boy enough?

I am really honoured and really privileged to have few friends who are honest and willing to open their heart and feelings to me. They are really good, honest, driven, responsible, and good looking. But their stories were similar; they saw a really good and pretty girl (or good and handsome boy), they fall in love and they told their girl (boy) that they love her (him), and not surprisingly the girl (boy) say a big NO on their face and eventually avoiding him/her. And this did not end in a day or week. This painfully usually goes on for months or even years. Plus, they have been praying hard to God about it before proposing.

I really wish to help but I just don’t know how. But I do thought about this problem for a long time.

I think the question is do I love the girl enough to say ‘Actually, I love you’. Love her enough means:

Know about her family:

                Are you closer to your dad or mum? Your parents fight at home? Your parents kiss in front of kids? Who makes the decision on...? Who usually control the money? Are you closer to your siblings or friends? Who is sick at home? What is your parents expectation at you? Who usually do the whacking at home? How they punished you when you were small? Family problems?

Know about her dream:

                Why she choose this profession? What’s her ambition? What PG? What’s her dream work place like? Dream family?

Know about her friends:

                Who is she closest too? Childhood friend? Boy friends? Girl friends? What kind of friends she is attracted to? Her crushes? Her ex?

Know about her values and spirituality:

                One common mistake is, “I am going to married an Christian/Protestant/Catholic,” and were too lazy to find out more about his/her spirituality. Equally yoke does not mean going to the same church. Equally yoke means the spiritual growth and direction is the same. What is God to her? She really interested in knowing the truth or just follows religious tradition? Eg.  Ask simple question like why do you think baptism is really necessary?

Well the list is endless. What I am trying to say is that if we love somebody, we will find more about her/him.

Pro 31:10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The bible wants you to FIND! That means a lot of homework and searching to be done.

Heard of this awesome example:

Boy and Girl working in the same office. Boy doesn’t know much about the girl except the usually business stuff and work. But the girl’s personality attracted the boy.

Boy: Erm, we been friends for many years, working in the same office. I think we need to explore the possibilities of “more than friends.”

Girl: *blur*

Boy: I meant consider being my girlfriends/ marriage?

Girl: erm.. *felt weird, she don’t even usually talk to him* Actually, I don’t think it is the right time.

Boy: but why?

Girl: both of my parents is old and sick, I need to take care of them. I can’t think of relationship now. So, NO THANKS!

Boy: *ouch* [walk away felt hurt]

Well the boy has been just loving himself more than the girl in a sense that he is more concerning of getting the girl FOR HIMSELF. If he really LOVE the girl, he should has been really concern and ask:

Boy: oh, I am really sorry to hear that. What happen to your parents? What do you actually do to help them? Must be tiring for you...etc...

You get what I meant?

When we find out more about her, if you see that she is responding to your concern, and after much prayer, and then only tell her about your feelings towards her.

“Actually, I love you”

Weather to tell or not to tell. To tell means, that letting out and ending the torture of secret crush towards someone. But it also can make you at risk to seal a relationship goodbye; for good or for bad.

Make friends

1Ti 5:2  The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.

I love this bible text. It is a really good guiding principle on interacting with opposite gender.

The problem with many of us is that we view every opposite gender as “potential girl friend/wife.” Hence, eventually, some choose not to talk to ANY girls, becoming a male chauvinist or to another extreme, our interaction with other’s become very flawed.

I see this problem everywhere, even in church and classroom. I guess I am blaming Bollywood.

I guess, we need to learn to be just friends with an opposite gender. With as many as possible. By talking. Helping. Exalting. Encouraging. Just like what normal macha do. It’s okay to have close females friends.

How do we treat our sister?

We love them, but we don’t see them as ‘potential wife.’ Yeah, I know, yucks! That is God want us to treat the all opposite gender.

That means, I am not afraid to talk deep stuff with a girl, (just like I talk to my sister), maybe sharing some secret, or really getting to know about her. But I will not use terminology which I will reserve to my wife/girlfriend like: “dear”, “darling”, “I will be there for you.” I will not be too touchy with her, playing her hairs, too close physical proximity, gave any physical signal.